Being Me

Being Me

No one understands what it’s like to be me.
Even family treats me as if I am just fine
When in reality every day is a struggle
Either to get out of bed or to do something
That is worthwhile or productive.
Every day is different for me ‘cause
I don’t know if the hallucinations
Or delusions or feelings of negativity
Are going to be there at any time.
Even taking care of myself and daily
Habits aren’t easy some days for me
‘cause I don’t have the strength or will
Power to actually get it done. Some
Think I’m lazy, self absorbed, obsessive,
And act like a child most days wanting
To get my way and do what I want but
What they don’t get is that some days
It’s not about what I want or need.
It’s about what I am capable of doing
‘cause there’s days I don’t feel like myself.
Every so often there are those bad days
Where I am emotional and sensitive
And needy. I have no control sometimes
Of what I am going to feel or how I react.
It’s not always easy to be how they
expect me to be. My mind needs an escape
or retreat from the life that’s built around me.