Sometimes the hardest thing isn’t admitting you have schizophrenia, it is taking that first pill because the truth is no one has any clue how your body will react. This isn’t something that I’m guessing. Every medicine is designed to do a job that is known but what is uncertain in every single pill is how the body will react. Some people get headaches. Others develop a rash. At times even nausea can happen. Every pill isn’t the same for everyone because our bodies aren’t the same.

As for me, I’ve had three experiences during my illness with different medications. The first one was to make me feel better and make the symptoms go away. It succeeded but not in the right way. There were no more symptoms but there was a negative reaction. Every time a dose was taken, I was sound asleep immediately and drowsy when I woke up. Plus that was with taking the medicine first thing in the morning. There were probably other things as well but I’m only telling you what I remember not what others saw. Some things from this time aren’t clear to me even to this day. Even certain events from my past can’t be recalled.

The second medication came as a good change for me. My thinking was clear. I only had to take naps every so often. No more dozing off after breakfast. My days were more active. There was better concentration and coordination when studying or doing an activity. I enjoyed eating everything especially sweets. Going out with friends and dating became a part of my life. Everything was going more than well for years until I developed the beginning of an irreversible condition – diabetes. To my benefit it was caught early and changes were able to be made immediately.

My third medication, which is the one that I’m currently taking, has been the best of the three. Not only does it make me feel good but it has had a reverse effect on my diabetes. Let me explain. First of all, I am no longer craving sweets. All that sugar my body used to induce has stopped. So the medication has helped me control and suppress my appetite for sugar. I’ve lost lots of pounds. Woo hoo! I am thrilled just with that part. Other positive changes have been that there’s no need to sleep all morning. Instead my body is well rested and alert by seven in the morning, which was not typical of me. No more naps either unless I’m sick of course. However, this medication does have one negative side effect that I’ve noticed, it makes me more sensitive than usual with people and my surroundings. In other words, I’m more emotional. That’s not so bad as long as it’s controlled.

Considering the first pill was taken eighteen years ago, the changes in medication have been few. The negative symptoms of the medications have become less. There are still gaps in the past about things that happened. I guess it’s normal but it’s still hard when someone says, “Do you remember?” All I want to say is, “No,” but that means having to explain, which is not always preferred. The medications won’t help me remember the past but they do help get me through right now. To me that’s the most important part.